- Your work load will instantly decrease. Work that you used to have to do will suddenly be assigned to your peers and you can safely fly under the radar.
- To demonstrate to co-workers your company’s inability to hold people accountable. You’re taking one for the team, really. People need to know that one is capable of skirting all responsibility for performance metrics.
- To test how unwilling your company is to fire someone. You don’t know truly how far you can go until you test every last boundary by slacking on all possible fronts. How many times can you show up late and leave early? How many deadlines can you miss? It’s likely more than you think.
- To hone your ability to make excuses. Part of the boundary testing noted above involves being able to think fast with excuses for your poor performance. This skill can be applied to all facets of life from skipping a dreaded social gathering to getting out of a speeding ticket. Why not use work as a time to practice?
- To endlessly frustrate that overachiever that you can’t stand. There’s nothing an overachiever hates more than a blatant underachiever. This person will despise you and it will be oh so satisfying.
- So you can take vacation without anyone noticing you’re gone. Want to take time off to binge watch Netflix shows in your underwear? Problem solved! Because you’ve already offloaded all responsibility, taking a long vacation is as easy as ever.
- People stop trusting you. And therefore, stop asking you for your opinions on crucial matters. You’ll no longer need to sit in on strategy sessions, vendor proposals, and every other dreaded 2 hour meeting.
- You realize the power you have to take others down with you. If we are the average of the 5 people that we spend the most time with, you can single-handedly bring down the entire team. Just how much is up to you.
- Your social media presence will be more robust than ever. With extra free time, you will take to social media for entertainment. Step up your Insta game by documenting all of your culinary creations, Snap your trips to the breakroom, and Tweet about that annoying co-worker that won’t stop asking you for your TPS report.
- When you finally do get fired, you’ll already know how to do nothing. The transition into unemployment won’t carry the emotional burden that you’d expect because you’ve already come to terms with being worthless. At this point, you’re totally OK with bringing nothing to the table.